Likely Stories - You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy

After all, I know I’ve felt that sometimes no one listens or hears what I’m really saying. We all have that in common. Murphy explains listening and hearing are very different concepts and brain functions. Hearing is passive. Listening is active. We have to be curious to listen. It is impossible to be a truly good listener all the time but it’s achievable to be a better listener some of the time. Listening is a skill – we all need to learn and practice. This book can be our tool.

For me, Murphy’s book helped me realize that often I am thinking of how I will respond even though the speaker is still talking or I assume I know what a person will say about a topic before they are actually done talking about it. This book points out that we all do that - it’s human.

Murphy explains how making assumptions based on sex, race, political party, age, economic status or really any factor, kills listening. Often we all go into hearing “charlie brown adult voices” instead of the speaker’s actual voice. When responding to a speaker, Murphy points out is it okay to say “I don’t know what to say” or “ I have to think about that”. I am conditioned to try to fix things quickly (the mom and the teacher in me) so this is a good lesson for me – it is okay to not speak at all. In fact, it’s better to think about our responses before we automatically give one. This book also reinforces that we can’t listen sometimes and we all need to be understanding of that.

Overall, Murphy’s book explains how listening is essential for better relationships. It can benefit us all to become better listeners. I feel we do a lot of showing and telling these days when we need to do more listening. I know my grandkids dread to see me take out my phone – they know I can’t listen to them if I am using my phone.

I have read this book and recently reread it. It is a book you can revisit a few chapters or the whole text. I hope you’ll give Kate Murphy’s You’re Not Listening – what You’re missing and why it matters a read or even a listen soon. It’s worth your time.

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